Many people seek marriage but many
do not know what marriage really is. Most men simply want to lock down
that special girl to keep her from slipping away and most women are
simply eager to have that big day. This is not to say they are not in
love but some guys actually think they’ll never find someone who would
STAY with them? So when one comes along that seems to be continuously
interested, the guy drops on his knees and pops the question. Many do
not check for compatibility; if the woman he’s about to marry has the
makings of a loyal wife or if he’s a wannabe Hollywood prince.
The woman may not care to know what
the man really expects from her. As long as she gets a dream wedding
and a huge ring she’s happy. The man may not even know what the original
construct of marriage is. Many people were not brought up to know that
marriage is not just about the wedding day. The guy may not understand
his responsibility to her. All he knows, he wanted a beautiful crush to
fall in his arms so he married the one that came along. He never
expresses his true feelings because he is afraid she might turn on him.
The essence of family is fragile from the very beginning due to the
absence of fundamental truths.
For most, marriage is a fantasy.
This means it is more of a built in mentality of what a husband should
be. How he should act, how he should be with other women, what kinds of
job he should have; anticipating a home and a family which she’s
fantasized. Not once does the guy stop to ask will she be the same after
she has children? Will she maintain the seduction? Will she honor his
wishes? Will he follow her lead and trust in her judgment? To him,
simply being with a beautiful woman is enough. And many women feel
victimized in their traditional role so they seek role reversal. While
she focuses on a wedding showoff with family and friends he can’t see
beyond sex, money and control.
The problem is, most of the ideas
of a perfect husband comes from revised new age relationship schemes
shown in movies, TV Shows, magazines or friends but the idea of a
perfect wife comes from the traditional construct of marriage. No one
told her that for her, marriage is a life where her goal is to prolong
the survival of his genes. As wonderful as the big day sounds for most
marriage hopefuls many women do not even know why they should take their
husband’s last name? This man who she is about to say “I do” to; will
she obey him knowing he is the ordained head of her family, above the
children or the pets even? No. She’s new school while he’s old school.
The whole thing is an explosion waiting to happen.
The mistake most couples make today
is they never separate reality from fantasy. Many are not prepared for
the turmoils of a relationship. One big argument and out they go!
Getting married is a GOOD thing if it’s with the right person. But there
are a few mistakes that could hinder a marriage. Baby mama drama with
your partner’s ex, someone who blew their credit before they met you,
criminal record, misrepresentation or even worst, bad karma. Now you
can’t afford a proper home because of your partner’s credit, one of you
cannot find a decent job. Unexplained health issues? Disagreement on
what to spend money on etc. And as much as I respect the court system I
strongly believe man made laws are not suitable to govern these issues.
Marriage should not be settled in
court being that it is a spiritual pact between two people. It should
involve a Priest, an Imam or a Rabbi… not a judge. Young people need to
be taught this. Just think about it, the law outlawed polygamy and
legalized homosexuality later. Who is to say which one is wrong or
right? Women have become independent. Does this means more alimony and
child support payments will go to men? Courts can decide who you love
and who gets rewarded or punished for a breakup? Instead, shouldn’t
people be taught their obligations within each relationship so they can
work it out with their spiritual adviser? But then again, some may say
the spiritual advisor also have explaining to do. In either case the
point I’m making is marriage is more complicated than it seems.*
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